So how is that mental illness working out for you?

The last 3 weekends we have spent at swim meets. Our 15 year old Daughter Sarah is a super fast swimmer. This year she was exceptionally speedy. She won a first place for 100 free, 2nd 50 free at the city meet. The next week she won first for 50 free and second for 100 free at the regional meet. The next weekend was the state meet where she finished 11th in 50 and 13th in 100. Sarah is a great swimmer because she is single minded when it comes to swimming. We choose to call this single minded instead of the clinical term OCD. During swimming she cannot think about anything but swimming. This is what makes her a great swimmer. She sees it in her head long before she ever dives in the water. This is just not a shameless bragfest about Sarah (if your mother doesn't brag on you who else will) it is where I saw the subject for my latest blog entry.
What is this guy holding? Why did he bring it to the state swim meet? Where is he going? What will he do there? What will he see there? I should have jumped off my concrete bleacher, totally discarded the fact that Daren was glaring at me for staring and asked him all these questions because now I am at a complete loss. All I can do now is wish for the strength to STOP THINKING ABOUT IT.

When my sister Elaine was little (many many years before I was born) my mother took her to the fabric store to pick out fabric for her easter dress. This was a big treat for her. (I am totally lying because going to the fabric store was the worst. It was worse than Aunt Cora's mothball cookies) There were so many cute fabrics to pick out. Florals as far as the eye could see in every combination of pastels. She however decided that her easter dress should be made out of a fabric with little brown monkeys as the primary theme. My mom was not "down" with this choice of fabric and told her that she may not have the little brown monkey fabric for her easter dress. A huge fit followed this announcement and probably a slapping also. Appropriate fabric for the dress was purchased but the matter was not laid to rest. Elaine could think of nothing else but the beauty of the little brown monkey fabric and she could not stop thinking about it. My mother now sick and tired (she was never just sick or tired she was always sick and tired) of her caterwauling told her STOP THINKING ABOUT LITTLE BROWN MONKEYS, THINK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE! I am sure the yardstick was calling her name by now. Sadly Elaine could not think of anything but little brown monkeys. Elaine is single minded in her artistic talents. This is what makes her a great artist.

I had a similar experience with a pair of red patent leather shoes. (When I was little not like last week) Luckily Aunt Norma came shopping with us so instead of a slapping I got the red shoes to match my lilac easter dress. Score! They were so cute. I was so cute.

I'm now thinking that Sarah's extreme single mindedness apple may not have fallen so far from the tree. Today I saw sister Gileo at church. She is truly one of my favorite people in our ward. I always speak to her but today I was in a hurry to get to primary so I zipped down the hall. With every step I took my mind was screaming. "Should have talked to sister Gileo, I always speak to sister Gileo, Go back and say hi to sister Gileo!" So I turned around and made it back to the chapel and knelt by sister Gileo's wheelchair and looked her in her good eye and said "Sister Gileo, its me Colleen Chapman, I am so glad you made it today." She said "Oh there you are I saw you go by a minute ago. Colleen thanks for speaking to me. You are one of the people who makes it a point to always talk to me. I really appreciate you, and love you". Was this the single minded, OCD, can't think of anything else affliction that has plagued me and my family since the beginning of time? You bet! And thank heaven.

It's time for me to log off. I still must touch the microwave 14 times while hopping on one foot singing knick knack patty wak.

Colleen
p.s. I have to finish it give a dog a bone. There! Done!

Thake a Pithure Lady

So I have a burning question.

Why!

I had to go to DI today and there was a girl there working at the checkout and she had all these little pieces of masking tape on her arm. I just maybe thought that she was making little tape loops for a later Laurel lesson or something like that. I was so curious that I said "are you planning to mask something off later? Whats with the tape on your arm?" She started to say (I think this is what she was trying to say) " *I sneezed too clubbing up my thug om my ham". Wow mystery solved she was working at DI because she was sneezing too much had gone out to a club of some kind and now had a speech impediment because a thug did something inappropriate to her ham. Had any of the other workers had any problems with any of their hams? My mind was a flurry. How could I extract myself from the checkout gracefully without catching this sneezing clubbing thing. I was now staring boldly and not speaking because I tried talking and thinking at the same time once and it didn't work out too well so now I can talk or think but not really do both at the same time. She started picking at one of the pieces of tape and scratching it and what do my wandering eyes should appear but a miniature earing lodged in her arm not her ear. I WAS ALMOST AMAZED! She had her arm pierced. Three little studs lined up like little stars on thars. "How did you get those in?" I replied to loudly for the hushed environment of DI. ** "Ab thirst it hurled rail bed" She told me with real pain in her voice. *** "Dow day art hurling dust hissy" We were interrupted by the girl working at the next cashier who whispered to her friend "Megan you better cover those studs in your arm before Dave sees them". So she covers the the studs in her arm with the tape and smiles at me. She smiles a big toothy grin and peaking from between her teeth is a huge tongue ring. I start to ask her if it hurts but I resist and pull myself away. I must get going I need to get to Walmart where I see a guy and all I can think about is a song "Do your ears hang low do they wobble to and fro, can you tie them in a knot can you tie them in a bow. I didn't have any questions for him. Too Scary.

Translations
* I needed to cover up the studs on my arm
** At first it hurt really bad
*** Now they aren't hurting they are just itching

Where will she go

So Elisabeth's papers or electronic information has been sent to a higher level. Where will she go. Please make a stateside guess and a foreign guess. I will make the winner a pie. And I know I still owe Alysha a pie.

I Simply Remember.....

So things just haven't been all that darn funny lately! Jake went on a mission and I miss him terribly. And there have been some other so not funny things. So I have a little trick when I am down or wishing I was happier I try to go to a happy place. This is a place where I store (in the vast expanse of my mind) things that make me laugh or smile.

Here are some of the Highlights in my Happy Box.

Best Church ever: The whole armor of God demonstration with JR Wright trying to keep his shoes perched on the tips of his toes while balancing on the podium wearing a paper plate hat.


I Love this picture of Daren and John riding the quad. Dad is doing all the worrying and John is just having a ball.

How did these boys get so handsome?

Elisabeth and I at the Lame Brook White concert. The mayor had just proclaimed Holy Mesa Brook White Day when Brook said she had a hairball in her throat and couldn't sing any more.
I proudly display my cake I made for Elisabeth's Awsome Office Party
Married 25 years and he is still as Hot as the day I stole his pencils from his back pocket during sophomore registration at Westwood
The prophets went 4 wheeling and haven't been seen since
John had this same smile on his face every time he got to ride the bus to school
I love camp cause me best friends go there
Leslie and Will always make me smile

I love to watch Sarah swim!





Some other items in my little happy box:
Colleen Coleman Come on Down. I kissed Bob Barker's cheek and he didn't even smell like an old man.

The feeling I had when I finished the Catalina Marathon .

My Mom had her temple shoes stolen so on her new pair she wrote "Helen Chapman's shoes Do not steal". Then she knelt down and everybody could see the bottom her shoes.

Daren and I went to Hawaii and we went snorkeling. I saw this really pretty blue fish on the bottom of the little shallow pool we were in and went down to look at it really really close. When I surfaced I looked up and I was looking at this man's fin on his foot and I was sitting in his lap. As I came up he was looking at Daren and his wife and they were all laughing so hard because they had been watching me the whole time.

I am adding to my happy box every time an email or a letter comes from Jake. This makes me so happy.

A few months ago we went to dinner and then played in Jayme Bawden's new house this was so fun. I put this in the happy box too.

I love to laugh with my sisters and Mom.

I loved President Monson's message on the Sunday morning session of conference. He talked about counting your blessings and being happy now instead of putting it off until all is going well.
I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don't feel so bad.
Thank you to all for being my friends
Love Colleen

A Blog-worthy picture indeed

Big Fat Large News















Sarah is a Super, Swifty, Special Swimmer of Spectacular Specifications.
She got first in both of her individual event in the first 3 meets of the year. This is why she is ATHLETE OF THE WEEK. Yea for Sarah!! Sarah's mother is dork however, because she had to go down to the school and take a picture of the marquee.

I'M AN IDIOT AND I HAVE PROOF!

I was watching The Office the other day and I often find myself watching from between my fingers because I am so embarrassed by the stupid things Michael Scott says and does. In one of the episodes he says "I don't understand how someone could be so self unaware. I've decided that I can relate to Michael Scott in this department. Sometimes I even amaze myself!. At what point does the brain go on vacay and there is nobody minding the store upstairs?

Sometimes we say really stupid things and it is out before you can put it back in and you are stuck. Recently someone asked me who my girlie girl doctor was and if I liked him. I said that I did, but I hadn't been since I had a baby and I knew he wouldn't remember me cause he hadn't seen me in a while. Feeling like I may have gotten into muddy waters I tried to correct my oops I then said, "I mean I haven't shown my FACE at that office in a while." Oh forget it, I was just another pretty face to him anyway.

I have done some really stupid things also. One day I was making a cake and I had this mixer that couldn't hold onto it's cord and as I was mixing the cord flopped down into my delicious cherry chip batter. Well I did what anybody would do to clean off the cord. You guessed it I picked up the cord and popped it in my mouth to lick off the cake batter. IT WAS STILL PLUGGED IN! Wow what a bad surprise I was knocked back a little bit and was quite stupid for a while afterward.

With some of those brain cells gone I was able to perform my next act of idiocity (I totally made up that word) Many of you know that I love Coach purses. I like them because they have C's on them like Colleen Coleman. Well I have some real purses and some fake ones. (a lot of fake ones). When one of my real ones got really dirty I decided to wash it in the washing machine like I had done to my tennies. It turned out so good and since I was on a roll I washed one of my fake ones. It did not turn out so good. It turns out that the Chinese fake Coach makers don't guarantee their craftsmanship either. Well they probably don't anyway.














The granddaddy of all the stupid things said was actually a joint project between me and some of my friends. Last year I went to an orchestra concert at Westwood. I was sitting on the back row with Daren and 2 friends. One friend, we will call her Sherrie was sitting to the right of me
Daren was on my left with another friend and we will call her Jeannie sitting next to him. Jeannie's husband was sitting by her but he doesn't get to be in this story because he chickened out like girl and pretended to get a phone call and ran out. OK the scene is set. Between the second to the last and last number Sherrie is looking at the program and on the program is the name Deja Vu as a violin player. Sherrie then says to me "If your last name was Vu do you really think you would want to name your kid Deja?" Then she leans over me and Daren and says to Jeannie "Deja Vu this can't be right who would name their kid Deja Vu?" The lady (oriental looking) in front of Daren turns around and says "I would name a kid Deja Vu because she is my daughter and her name really is Deja." There are no words after that you can only sit there and hope that someone falls off the stage or accidentally impales them self on their cello bow because there is just no recovery after that. She than says "are you people teachers here?" We all mutely shake our heads. Darrel pretends at this point to get his "phone call" and runs out. We just hold our breaths and can't even speak. The concert ends and she huffs out gives one last glare and leaves. We dissolve into peals of laughter and Sherrie reminds me once again that these things were suppose to only happen to me. Sorry Sherrie having a friend who is an idiot apparently rubs off on you.

OK so you can comment and tell your best act of idiocity like a contest. Good luck! The winner gets a prize. (not really) Maybe I will make you a sash to wear or something.


Elisabeth didn't really park here I just liked the picture and it fit the theme.

Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful

I usually don't allow any pictures to be taken of me, but this was just too good. I had to break my own rule so that I could make fun of a person. This time Me!
OK so this morning I woke early to iron Sarah's shirt (picture day), make lunches, go walking, and take picture money to Sarah.
After I walked John to his class I went to Jamba and then I came home.
This is how I looked during all those errands I ran.



















Notice the hair hanging flat to the forehead.
So Elisabeth asks me "Mom what is with your hair are you going to do it today?" Then she says if you need the FLAT IRON it's in my room. Flat Iron really are you kidding me? Do you see how my hair could get any flatter? I have the worlds straightest hair!
So I took the hint.
And.............
One blob of mousse, a blow dryer, two round brushes, two fingers of texture paste, a
teasing comb, and three spritz's of root spray later.














I was ready to meet the day.
This all made possible by the great color and cut Jennifer Anderson gave me last week.

Hope your day doesn't fall flat
Colleen