Sometimes we say really stupid things and it is out before you can put it back in and you are stuck. Recently someone asked me who my girlie girl doctor was and if I liked him. I said that I did, but I hadn't been since I had a baby and I knew he wouldn't remember me cause he hadn't seen me in a while. Feeling like I may have gotten into muddy waters I tried to correct my oops I then said, "I mean I haven't shown my FACE at that office in a while." Oh forget it, I was just another pretty face to him anyway.
I have done some really stupid things also. One day I was making a cake and I had this mixer that couldn't hold onto it's cord and as I was mixing the cord flopped down into my delicious cherry chip batter. Well I did what anybody would do to clean off the cord. You guessed it I picked up the cord and popped it in my mouth to lick off the cake batter. IT WAS STILL PLUGGED IN! Wow what a bad surprise I was knocked back a little bit and was quite stupid for a while afterward.
With some of those brain cells gone I was able to perform my next act of idiocity (I totally made up that word) Many of you know that I love Coach purses. I like them because they have C's on them like Colleen Coleman. Well I have some real purses and some fake ones. (a lot of fake ones). When one of my real ones got really dirty I decided to wash it in the washing machine like I had done to my tennies. It turned out so good and since I was on a roll I washed one of my fake ones. It did not turn out so good. It turns out that the Chinese fake Coach makers don't guarantee their craftsmanship either. Well they probably don't anyway.
The granddaddy of all the stupid things said was actually a joint project between me and some of my friends. Last year I went to an orchestra concert at Westwood. I was sitting on the back row with Daren and 2 friends. One friend, we will call her Sherrie was sitting to the right of me
Daren was on my left with another friend and we will call her Jeannie sitting next to him. Jeannie's husband was sitting by her but he doesn't get to be in this story because he chickened out like girl and pretended to get a phone call and ran out. OK the scene is set. Between the second to the last and last number Sherrie is looking at the program and on the program is the name Deja Vu as a violin player. Sherrie then says to me "If your last name was Vu do you really think you would want to name your kid Deja?" Then she leans over me and Daren and says to Jeannie "Deja Vu this can't be right who would name their kid Deja Vu?" The lady (oriental looking) in front of Daren turns around and says "I would name a kid Deja Vu because she is my daughter and her name really is Deja." There are no words after that you can only sit there and hope that someone falls off the stage or accidentally impales them self on their cello bow because there is just no recovery after that. She than says "are you people teachers here?" We all mutely shake our heads. Darrel pretends at this point to get his "phone call" and runs out. We just hold our breaths and can't even speak. The concert ends and she huffs out gives one last glare and leaves. We dissolve into peals of laughter and Sherrie reminds me once again that these things were suppose to only happen to me. Sorry Sherrie having a friend who is an idiot apparently rubs off on you.
OK so you can comment and tell your best act of idiocity like a contest. Good luck! The winner gets a prize. (not really) Maybe I will make you a sash to wear or something.
Elisabeth didn't really park here I just liked the picture and it fit the theme.
8 comments:
LOVE this post Colleen!!! Ok...so here's my idiotcracy (??) story. Perhaps I've already told you this, but I'm about to admit it to the blog world now.
My friend (I will name her Jeannie) and I , along with some other friends, had a girls night out, and went to dinner. The whole way through the evening, Jeannie is really gassy, and not being very quiet about it. Each time she "made some noise" , we'd all just laugh, and she'd apologize, laughing hysterically. I took it that she was just embarrassed, and trying to hide how embarrassed she was. I actually became concerned at how much gas she had...and thought she might be sick...and felt so bad for her that she was just ripping those things off right and left. UNTIL, we learned she had one of those "fake fart gadgets". She would push a remote, and the thing would go off! She'd gotten us all sooooo good. I asked her where she got it, and she told us "Spencers". Sooo....several months later, we're all together again, and laughing about that fart machine, when (ok, here's my idiot mouth going off....drumroll...) I asked where at Spencers you could find it. I then said "I went to Spencers and looked and looked for that fart machine, but all they had were appliances." Everyone looked at me with shocked looks on their faces, when DING! LIGHTBULB! I realized what I'd done (and said)...and that Spencers, was NOT Spencers the APPLIANCE store, but THE Spencers, at the mall. I admit, I had gone searching for that stinkin' infamous fart machine at Spencers Appliances!!! And I realized at that moment...what I'd DONE! I shudder when I realize how close I came to asking an employee about where they kept the fart machines. I don't think I have been laughed at that hard in years~!
Colleen-
I am just wondering if Darrel was looking his "sveltest" when he pretended to get that phone call. Is that a word?
Oh my word!! I'm laughing so hard at these stories!! :) Colleen AND Lisa.. how can anyone top your stories! :) haha
I have so many to choose from, but one that I've always been extremely embarrassed about comes to mind right now. If another one comes, I'll come back and post it. :)
I was so in love with this one guy for YEARS and YEARS!! We were friends, but anytime I would try to talk to him, my tongue would get in the way of me saying anything intelligent. In fact, I have YEARS of unintelligent things logged in my memory bank labeled as, YOU MORON.. WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT!!??
So this one day at church was no different, I wanted to talk to him and was going to tell him that I liked his tie. I told myself that it was a simple and nice compliment and that would be it!! I could walk away after that and he'd MAYBE think, wow, she CAN form a perfect sentence! :)
So I was excited.. Can't mess THIS one up...! So in my head I practiced saying, Hey, I am in love with your tie! Or I'm loving your tie! Whichever came out would be fine with me. I was so prepared and feeling confident.
I walked up to him with a smile and shook his hand and said, "I am LOVING with your tie!!"
UGH!! I am loving with your tie!? Why!!?? WHY Stacy WHY!!!??
He shot me a funny glance and said, "Oh, you're lovin with my tie, eh?" I just blushed a deep red, kinda chuckled and said, YEP!! and walked off.
And THAT.. dear friends.. is why Stacy Householder is still single!!
Hmmmm...saying "dick-whipper" at the candle party comes to mind.
how's falling off the lifeguard tower at kino pool?
Hey! I saw that smashed car in MY neighborhood! Maybe we should like...meet or something?
THIS WAS HILARIOUS! :D
So much so that I can't even begin to think of a story of my own! :D
oh nancy face, that was the same car...we thought it was soooooo funny...and a lesson well learned-NEVER park under a big tree.
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